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Thursday, 21 January 2016

My experience of Online Dating.


Match.com, eHarmony and Tinder have been playing cupid in relationships since 1995, that could be a new catch phrase (i'm just making sure I get my rights!). I bet you didn't think that they've been around this long? I read some statistics that around 1 in 5 relationships now start online. Another interesting statistic I read were that 47.6% of those people were woman and back in 2014 I was part of that statistic when I tested the waters of online dating.

This is a bit of a long post so prepare yourself.

I didn't date much when I was younger, I always had short relationships (they usually lasted around no more than a week) and I just didn't think spending my days at school in a relationship were important to me. A lot of my relationships were kept very much a secret and that's entirely how I liked it. I got into my first serious 'public' relationship at the age of 16/17 when I met somebody. He worked with my mum at the time so it was a pretty easy introduction and after a couple of dates here and there we started dating. 3 1/2 years down the line the relationship became pretty toxic for the both of us and we decided to call it a day. It was a pretty difficult break up to have to experience, however looking back we weren't a match and I didn't love have the same feelings I did for a long time so it probably was for the best for us in the long run that we separated.

Online dating was daunting from that moment I created my profile.  Nowadays, dating has a whole new routine. 200+ questions asked by an online website to find your 'matches in the area'. With Tinder it was swipe left or right - Does my profile picture make me look attractive? Does my profile read as someone's desperate for a relationship even if it's with the totally wrong individual? that's how I didn't want to come across to a potential new boyfriend. Anyways I knew there was some success with this new way of meeting someone, it's the new reality after all and I had to give it a go.

I joined POF (Plenty of Fish) just after my relationship broke down in September 2014. At the time I think I was feeling pretty lonely and just wanted to see what was out there. I got talking to a few guys in the area, went on a few dates with some and also got messed around in the process a lot too! I was starting to think that online dating was just an ugly game that I didn't want to get involved with, so I unplugged and went on with my life. I just didn't feel like the person I was looking for was worth looking for by scrolling through profiles on a daily basis and the app became quite addictive in the process and that's not how I wanted it to be. Just after this time I got talking to a co-worker of mine at a organisation I was interning at. We dated for a couple of months and it was nice to meet somebody I genuinely loved being around and we enjoyed one another company a lot. I hadn't felt like that for a long while. We spent some really lovely times together and he was the first guy to surprise me on Valentines Day by leaving me a present at work when I turned up and I really respected what kind of person he was. However the conversation started to come up about making it a more official thing and that we should spend more time together, honestly I just wasn't ready to commit myself to somebody and go into a relationship that I couldn't give 100% into. It ended pretty badly and I totally regret how we both handled it at the time, luckily now he's pretty much living his dream in London so it was probably for the best we didn't go all official. Thankfully we're pretty amicable now and get along just fine.



I decided to pop onto the POF train (again) in August time as I just wasn't meeting anybody I connected with in the outside world. My job also pretty much restricted me from being able to go on a lot of dates and really get to know somebody. I think this time I had a different approach, I didn't cut myself short by saying too much about myself on the profile and I also didn't give them a profile full of crap and lots of selfies for them to look over.

 I met a few guys again this time, some of which are actually genuine friends of mine and I am still in contact regularly with. I was getting a lot more regular work in Derby so I decided to search that area and see what fish they had in their sea (nice pun) and came across Jordan's profile. I think I approached him initially because he was Northern Irish and who doesn't love their accent? Anyway we got talking and very quickly we decided to go on our first date. It was September and my parents at the time were on holiday so we decided to do something in my area, he had booked us a reservation at a restaurant for us and said he'd pick me up. Little did I know as I got in the car that Jordan would present me with flowers and take me to the most lovely Italian restaurant in the Leicester City Centre. We pretty much fell in love as each date we spent together and the rest is history. That was 17 months ago. We now live together and even though it feels like the whole thing has been a whirlwind I have zero regrets. We're still very much in love and so glad we connected, even if it was on such a 'cheesy' website as POF.

I was wondering if anybody met their current/last relationship on an online platform and how it panned out for you? It really interests me.

A few tips for anybody who is looking for their next relationship online;

1. Don't write stuff about last relationships in your bio e.g I want to meet someone who will accept me for who I am blah blah blah. Just write about you

2. Don't have a album of more than 2 pictures, most of the time the guy isn't going to look through every photo to check you at every angle

3. Don't go with the intentions of finding the guy your going to marry. Just look for people to date and get to know, that's usually the best part of it. I'm still friends with a lot of guys I initially spoke to when I was on POF

4. Just have fun! Life's too short to get caught up on an app, things sometimes just take time!

Thanks for reading my online dating story, a lot of my friends and family didn't know this was how we actually met so.. *SURPRISE* hope you didn't mind my porky but at first I was pretty embarrassed by meeting someone online. I finally feel ok to talk about it more!


thanks for reading,

24 comments:

  1. Love this post Em, I really enjoyed it! You did a great job ;) I'm so glad you're now in a healthy, happy relationship! xx

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    1. Ah Sophie thanks for your comment lovely! I really enjoyed writing this (weirdly) and glad you enjoyed it. Ah me too, here's to healthy and happy relationships! see you soon! :) xxx

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  2. I have never been in a relationship and I really want to start dating. I have however been kind of scared about online dating. But now I know of two people who have met their boyfriend online and I might just have to give it a try.
    Thank you, lovely post!

    Xx Eline | www.elinesreturnticket.blogspot.com

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    1. Ah honey it's definitely daunting. My first time was horrific and my profile probably didn't help but it's really worth trying :) Like I said I came out with not only a boyfriend but a couple of guy friends too which is really great and so positive! If you need any tips or support just ask me on Twitter :-)

      Emmie x

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  3. Loved reading it! My aunt got married after an online, long distance relationship of two years. They now have a toddler of 6 month (I'm obsessed with him). It's a matter of luck, as I see it.

    Noor | Noor's Place

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    1. Ah I definitely think it's luck and just giving it a chance at the same time. You'll be surprised by the shallow expectations of people that put themselves online :\

      Emmie x

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  4. Wow this was so great. Dating websites can sometimes get a bad rap so its really refreshing to hear a success story!

    moremindfulyou.blogspot.com

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    1. Ah definitely! I have heard so much negativity surrounding it that i've always been terrified what will happen and who i'll meet. He's a good egg, so i've been lucky! :) x

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  5. I loved this post! Noticed the link on twitter and actually went and got my laptop and a cup of juice to sit and have a read. :) I met my boyfriend once briefly in person before we found each other on myspace (ha!) and it grew from there. 8 years now :)

    Also my boyfriend's mum met her husband on a dating site - she lived just outside Edinburgh and he was in London, they are both now happily married and living in Australia.

    I think it's definitely daunting but worth giving it a try. My friend has recently signed up to POF and I'm hoping for a happy story just like yours for her. xx

    Moany Mouse | Scottish Lifestyle Blog

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    1. Ah glad you took the time to sit and read this post, I really appreciate it. Ah myspace, I miss those days!

      Yeah I hope your friend has some luck and meet's somebody. It's definitely worth a try anyhow to see who's out there :-) I'm really glad people are just enjoying my story and hopefully it gives people out there a bit of hope! :-)

      Emmie x

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  6. It was inspiring to read this post. I'm just in the middle of writing a complainy post about Tinder so clearly I've not been as successful with online dating myself, but it's nice to hear the opinion of someone it has worked for. Maybe I am looking in the wrong place with Tinder. Maybe I'm just not in the right place for a relationship. But never mind me! Long may you and Jordan have a happy life together, no matter how you met :)
    Rebecca | The Two Twenty Somethings
    Xx

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    1. Ah hello Rebecca and thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it! Oh yes Tinder is definitely a whole different kettle of fish and I just couldn't get on with it myself. I just wasn't comfortable with the whole swipe left or right process and knowing someone was judging me by that ONE picture, ew!

      Thanks so much, I hope that we do too!

      Emmie x

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  7. Wonderful post! But I'd like to note that the dates are different nowadays! To know more about it you can read https://kovla.com/blog/how-we-date-nowadays/ . You should read it 'cause this article is very useful nowadays and tells us about the casual problems! But online dating sites simplify our life!)

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    1. Oh yeah dates are differently different, I was just giving my own experience rather than an overall perspective.

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  8. I met my partner on POF too! I was sick of OKCupid and was having a nosy around POF and spotted his profile. I registered, sent him a message and that was that, didn't even talk to anyone else haha! On one hand I think it's a shame that people don't just meet 'natuarally' nowadays (ie when out and about, through friends etc) but online dating sure simplifies thing for those of us with busy lives :)

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    1. I've never tried OKCupid, POF was just the easiest to navigate myself around so I didn't see why not. I know, I wish I definitely went down the traditional route but I think it's just what is regarded as traditional these days!

      Emmie x

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  9. Really loved this post, gave me a little more faith in dating websites - http://vintagebeautyox.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. I hope it did Vanessa, online dating is one of those things sometimes you need to throw yourself into and see what happens. I've met some great friends and obviously my boyfriend so I've seen the good but I've also seen the not so good, it's just worth giving it a go!

      Emmie x

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  10. This was such a good read! I find online dating so interesting but I'm finding these days more people are actually creating good relationships instead of just a bit of nookie nookie (hehe). I first spoke to my current boyfriend through Tinder and it has ended up being the best thing I ever did!

    Robyn xx

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    1. Yeah definitely, I've had the nookie nookie experience which definitely put me on. I agree that more and more people find love online, especially with it being hard to meet people with our daytime jobs and stuff. Ah good old Tinder ;)

      Emmie xx

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  11. That's such a lovely post, I am glad things turned out well at the end for you :)
    I went on Tinder one night that I was bored and felt so bad because I didn't like anyone and then after all profiles went through I asked my friend
    "so this is it? That's all the single men Aberdeen has? I am doomed!"
    Thankfully, a few months later I met my boyfriend in the library and we are together up until today which makes it almost two years :)
    I have many friends who are on Tinder for fun and some who even managed to be in serious relationships, however I think the majority is there for sex which utterly destroys the magic of flirt!

    xo,
    Anastasia
    http://www.natbees.com

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  12. Great article. I tried online dating a while back but nothing really became of it. I just felt like my heart wasn't in it because it took the romance out of it all.

    http://ohduckydarling.com

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  13. Great post! I'm still with my boyfriend who I met on OKcupid, we live together now and we're really happy! I too was a bit embarrassed to admit I'd met him online, but I soon got over it :) I've written more about it in a post I recently did on my blog if you'd like to read it.
    I'm so glad people are getting real relationships from online dating, before trying it myself I'd heard a lot of mixed views and experiences on it. I'm so glad I did though!
    Bella x

    https://farmerswifeblog.blogspot.co.uk

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