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Monday, 18 January 2016

Never Grow Up.

If you woke up to snow yesterday morning you either felt dread in driving through the snow to reach your destination for the day or a little child inside you screamed with delight at the prospect of playing in the snow for a couple of hours. I'll let you guess which one of those people I was (it's not hard!)

It got me thinking about growing up, becoming an adult and figuring out when it's time to quit being that inner child and be an adult who accepts all of the responsibilities it comes with.

I have always wanted to know what it is as a child about growing up that leaves us in such a hurry...

I'm rubbish about this whole adult lark, I feel like even as the age of 25 is just around the corner for me I'm not fit for it and just won't ever really settle into adulthood fully. 

I always presumed at 25 I would be married, in my own home, with a child probably on the way and with my career sealed in my bag. How wrong was I that life didn't shape out to be this ideal way that society shaped into my head for me growing up.

I feel like I am still undecided on the shape of my career. I feel like I have become exhausted trying to shape how I want my career to be like. I thought I had it all planned out and done everything to basically do well, no not in this life. I left university nearly two years ago and I can't tell you how fed up I am of working in a pub ridiculous hours for my bills to be paid and to keep my head above water. I didn't study towards a Dance degree to spend my days serving the public and come home smelling of food and alcohol, eww! I work myself to complete burn out on a weekly basis for me not to see any money that I've worked hard for. It pisses me off even more when I have family members who sponge off the government and haven't worked an hour in their life since I can remember. It sounds bad bringing up family into a blogpost but I'm not afraid to sit here and tell you all how much it pisses me off on a daily basis. I just wish I had the career I wanted, argh!

I know I'll get where I want to be soon, everything happens for a reason doesn't it?

I just hope it comes soon because I am tired and I want to do what I want to do without limits/restrictions.

I live in a house with my boyfriend. It's perfect and it works, but the amount of money that I don't see because it goes into my landlords pocket frustrates me too. We've had so many problems with the house we currently rent that I am so excited for us to move into a new home at the end of February. I want to start saving for a proper house this year, let's get the whole career malark sorted first and then we can get saving right?!?!

So yeah I hope there's more people out there who get my 'drift' and can totally relate to this post in one way or another. I'm not alone in this situation right?

I sometimes think that most of these little thought trains are connected to my biggest fear of dying. Dying before I even get the opportunity to really have the experience of my dream career and stuff like that. (Oh at this point I am just rambling so I'm going to shut up and let you look at some nice snowy pictures because that's the only reason your reading this post really!)

Also if your under 18 and just read this post, I hope you grasp every single second that you have left of your teenage years. Make silly mistakes, go out and have the biggest boogie in your life because your 18 and you can! It's completely ok not to go to university and to find other ways of going for what you'd like to do with your career, but remember there's no rush and it's important to have fun too! Cherish your friendships because when you become an adult, you get working life and bills to pay and so there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day to see your best of friends! Also going out on a Wednesday night and rolling in at 4am in the morning doesn't go down to well when you have a 6am alarm for work too ;)

Maybe just one day I will get used to this adult lark and everything will be fine. Or maybe I'll learn the balance of enjoying being an adult and all of it's experiences with an added extra of childlike fun too!

Until then, i'll hold onto that inner child of mine and hold onto her tight.

thanks for reading,


  1. I can totally relate to all you've write down! I'm 28 and I always presumed to be married with one kid at the age of 27! Life is so unpredictable. I've saved a little bit of money and I'm going (finger crossed) to rent a house with my boyfriend this year. I feel you even when you talk about death. I lost my mum at the age of 20 and this makes me realize that in life you don't have time to regret things or words, you have to live moments at his bests, without fear. Say what you want/feel to say and strive for your purpose. This was a really nice post to read! Excuse the long comment! xx

    federica |

  2. Lovely post Emmie,I relate to you completely. I have just left university and am trying to find a job and am finding myself completley lost at being an adult. My boyfriend lives all the way in Wales (I am near London) so being an adult just sucks - like you, I thought I would have my life together by now! I really hope you find a better job for yourself soon and am glad you're moving out to a better place in February. Just keep going and everything will sort itself out in the end xo

    Emily |

    1. Hi Emily!
      It's always the most annoying thing when you leave uni and it's like your now a fish in the biggest ocean there is! Thanks though for this, I really hope your right and things will start to look up over the next coming weeks :)

      Emmie x

  3. Lovely post <3

    1. Thanks so much for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it :)

      Emmie x

  4. I loved this post Emmie! Also, I can relate so so much. Right now, I'd do anything to go back to being in school and I'm also looking for the right job for me - it can be so stressful can't it!
    Also, RENT. UGH. 'Nough said I think!

    But you're also right, everything happens for a reason and WILL work out eventually. At least that's what I'm telling myself!

    Soph x |

      Thanks so much for commenting on this post, it means a lot :) It's so tough at the moment, i'm doing what I can though so hopefully it won't be much longer until I'm in a job I'm pretty happy and settled within! :)

      Ah RENT, it literally is the bane of my life!

      Thanks again Soph, hope you're well! xx

  5. I think we put to much pressure on ourselves. Your doing great, I wish someone would of told me what being an adult was really like.

    Love this post :)

    1. Yeah we're definitely do put a lot of pressure upon ourselves. I just wish time could slow down so that I can get what I need to get sorted and then carry on with life ;)

      ah me too and warned me about paying bills and all that lark, it's no fun!

      Emmie x

  6. I feel so old beyond my years sometimes. I bought a house at 21 and of course, it's amazing! But I didn't do all the going on girly holidays. I had my boyfriend (now husband!) and yes, we used to go on crazy weekend venders well before we thought we'd ever get married. Sometimes you just do things in ways that others don't. I was always in such a rush to be an adult... It's scary. I completely back up your last sentiment, if you are young enjoy making the mistakes because it will carve you into who you will be in life ❤️
    Bee xxxx

    1. Ah Bee thankyou so much for your lovely comment, it's made me smile :D! I just want to grasp my career now and do something I actually really enjoy, it gets frustrating getting by in a job your doing just to make ends meet! :(
      ❤️ Emmie

  7. I totally understand it & RELATE to it in so many ways! I turned 18 in Aug '15 and had to move out of my mother's house (not a rebellious act - it HAD to happen) and learn to live on my own, in some ways. I am looking forward to university, summer school and everything, but I certainly don't want to rush towards anything - it's the last teenage year and I might cry my face off when I'd turn 19.

    Sending my best wishes for you. I hope you get the coolest and prettiest house in town. WOOOO!

    Noor | Noor's Place

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