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Monday, 13 March 2017

Emmie Talks | Outgrowing People.

Photo Credit: Kirstie Melville
Working in a secondary school definitely has some reflective moments, working alongside young people who are discovering themselves as much as the relationships they have with their peers on a daily basis. Working in a school also finds you reflecting on your own experiences as a teenager, what you would have done differently and how life was just as challenging for us back then as it is now as adults. As teenagers we have a hell of a lot to deal with and the pressures on us are massive at that age, if it's not having the teachers talk to us about the importance of revising for GCSE's, it's about thinking about what's going to happen next and everything which comes with this new change that's coming. One thing in particular is the change in friendships and realising your going to outgrow people. 

Recently I've spoken more and more about 'outgrowing people' and how it feels to move on from a school to find new friendships etc. I've outgrown a lot of people in my 25 years on this planet. If I could have gone back then I probably wouldn't have been as naive about the 'friendships' I put everything into.

Surround yourself with people who get you. 

Friendships are a funny thing, when your younger you're thrown into the situation of meeting new people, forming new friendships with complete strangers on a regular basis through school, college then onto university and even through into the workplace. Growing up I moved from various friendship groups, I couldn't gel with one person for a considerable time because it became overwhelming and I couldn't hold down a friendship that became pretty intense. I remember having 'best friends' at school and college who I thought were my friend's for life but I quickly figured out that half of these people weren't even people I liked and didn't think they were worth my time. I quickly closed more and more doors to them before I left for college and university.

From every friendship I formed until the end of college I do still have great friendships with around two of those people, Jade and Bekki. I met Jade at primary school, we lived doors away from one another, we used to spend a lot of Friday nights having sleepovers and now she's got a little girl on the way. Our friendship recently cemented itself again last year after many years of losing contact and it's great how things come back round again. The same happened with Bekki, a friend who I drifted apart from when I went to college, I still have the card she made for me when I left school in year 9! After all of these years they are the only thing from my past that I know have my back. Plus it's even stranger how somebody you grew apart from somehow comes back around again. 

At college, I had a couple of really great friendships and whilst it isn't so clear in my understanding why a lot of my friendships just faded from this chapter of my life I still support a lot of those people individually. I feel like I just outgrew them when I went to university. I wanted to pursue my ambitions and those people weren't part of that ambition, plus university is different and it's important to have solid support through those next 3 years of your life as well as beyond.


University was the biggest eye opener for me, I met people who I had to live with and spend 5 days a week in the company of for 3 years of my life. They saw me at my worse, when I was too drunk to even get dressed for bed or when I went through a shitty break up during my third year. It wasn't easy but I feel like a lot of the people I met there are the people who allowed me to discover who I really was. I got to this point in my life where I was slowly becoming an adult, trying to manage the adult life and I didn't need friendships who only existed when neither of us were just in need of a pick me up or to feel better about our lives. Leaving university was tough I still have a strong bond with Katie, Lauren, Elouise and Harriet but it isn't the same not seeing them regularly. I did come away from university also outgrowing people too, I came away with friendships falling apart when they should have probably stayed. Whilst we may not be dancing in a club until 2am, having naps together in the afternoons and singing Musical Theatre songs until the early hours I know those 4 girls are batting for my team and will always be supportive of everything that I do. 

Now I have blogging, which has opened and created new friendships but also saw me outgrowing people too. It's the same with working at the various jobs I have had, but one thing is for sure I am content with those I have surrounded myself with over the 3 years I've had as a blogger and working in a completely different sector to what I had done for so long. As soon you grow up, have a few cries and hissy fits because the person you thought was your friend, isn't so anymore you realise that you want to surround yourself with the people that reflect you best, that's really important.

I've also had friends which have left then came back again, I remember the first time I spoke again to Charlie after a fair few months apart doing our own thing. We had come to a place in our friendship were it wasn't working anymore, we decided to have a break and our friendship came together like it never had a break. We're still friends now and it's been over 10 years now. 
But that's the thing about friendships too, they're unpredictable and they have a way of letting us know that something isn't right anymore when we least expect it to to. Having that conversation isn't easy but your better off knowing where you both stand than not at all. I remember losing a good friend after she was such a great support through my relationship break up in my third year at university. She'd bring me up a cup of tea whilst I cried my eyes out and would watch movies with me to make me feel more human. I remember exactly how I felt when I realised that friendship no longer existed, I was so hurt that I still don't know how it happened so quickly. But things happen for a reason.. 

I still look amongst the many photos I have with these people that were strangers, became something important to me and I knew so well to becoming strangers all over again. This full circle could have happened with months or years but I still carry the sentimental value of those captured memories we had shared together. I do always wonder what it'd be like to be their friends still today...

Whilst outgrowing people is a tough thing to accept, it's also uplifting and can be a good thing to realise too. Every person I have come into contact during my life have served a purpose, have been there when they needed to be there but not maybe for longer than that specific chapter and let me tell you that's ok. I've met people, who have had a toxic effect on me that I no longer need to be apart of. Our lives are so precious, so why spend it with those that aren't right for you? Those people who bring shitty friendships along with them. I count my true friends on one hand, maybe two and I'm completely fine with that now, maybe 10 or so years ago that would have meant nobody liked me but growing up has shifted that mindset completely. 

I promised the young people that I support that it isn't so bad being surrounded by so few but so beneficial people in your life when you grow up. Don't feel like whoever you meet has to be your friend either, that will only cause you grief down the line when you realise that person could possibly be someone you don't even like or enjoy the company of.

Don't be afraid to outgrow people, discover your own squad and be content with it no matter how small or big it is.



thanks for reading,

24 comments:

  1. This is such an important post! I think outgrowing friends & meeting new people is just a part of life. We all change as we get older, and just as our priorities change, so do theirs. I think you're so right in saying that as long as you have people who love you in your life, then that's more important than how many friends you have.
    Bisous, Faz
    www.livinglikeaparisienne.com

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    1. I think it is too, I think some people aren't always just happy to be more honest that things don't always work out between people. Yeah exactly, it was always the amount of friends you had. It's quality over quantity! :D xx

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  2. I was quite lucky throughout primary and the early years of high school, because I had one main best friend. Unfortunately that best friend didn't like me having 'other friends', but I guess she outgrew me when she found someone else to hang around with. That friendship ended quite abruptly and I moved schools after it soon turned into a group of nasty girls who thought it was funny to bully me everyday. Like you say, growing up is hard work and figuring yourself out is the strangest, most complicated thing you'll do. When I moved schools, I fell quickly into a group and they took me under their wing until the final months of school - we had exams, we were all a bit stressed out and again we all drifted apart. College wasn't much better, I didn't make any friends there and was picked on throughout the two years I spent studying Health and Social Care, I never went back after that and since then the only friends I have are my Mum, my sister and my boyfriend - but you know... I think I'm actually okay with that for once. My sister is due to have a baby in June/July so I'm really excited about being an auntie for the first time, and my boyfriend and I have plenty of adventures organised for this Summer, my Mum and me are pretty much inseparable as well, so it's nice that I have them to fall back on x

    www.sheintheknow.co.uk

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  3. I absolutely love this post, Emmie. I'm moving to another city again in a few months, and this post has really made me reflect on how many people I considered 'friends' when I was in these others places, but how few of those actually translated into proper friends and I stay in touch with more than the occasional message on Facebook.

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    1. Thanks Rachael, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I didn't realise you were moving again?! that's exciting, it's always nice to explore new places and meet new people. xx

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  4. I absolutely love this post. I can relate to this too having going through this since finishing University. People I spoke to day in, day out - we don't talk anymore, we don't even act like the others exist. It's a real big shame but like you said, they were only supposed to be part of your life for that specific chapter because the friendship ended for whatever reason. I barely have any friends but I'm ok with that. I'd rather have just a small handful of friends that I could count on my hands rather than a large group of people that I don't really relate too, feel comfortable with or have drama with. It's much better to keep yourself happy - that's the most important thing!

    This post speaks such volumes, I love it and beautifully written. xx

    Katie
    www.katie-middleton.co.uk

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    1. Glad you enjoyed it Katie, it took a long while to write because I wanted to get the right edge on my views. It's sad when that happens though nobody wants friendships to not turn out how you'd expect. But I truly believe it's about quality over quantity with friends! :D I'm glad you found it really interesting to read! xxx

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  5. This is so true, at 33 I've outgrown the majority of the BEST friends I spent huge parts of my life with. It's a shame because now, when I desperately need my friends around me, it's becoming clear who my friends really are. :(

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    1. It's sad when you outgrow people and especially through the toughest times of your life but it's better to have quality friends than quantity who you don't know where you stand with! xx

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  6. This is such a good, we'll written post and I can definitely relate to you on this! I outgrew a lot of people from all elements of my life. I only really have about a handful of people that I still consider friends from uni and college.

    Izzy xx

    Www.just-belle.Co.uk

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  7. I loved this post so much! Outgrowing people and losing touch with people can be so hard, cause it makes you feel guilty, like you've done something wrong but it's just a part of life so I totally get it! I'm glad to be part of your blogging squad just for the record ��❤ love you long time!

    Izzy | www.ADoseOfChatter.com

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  8. OH Em, this is such a fab post, and a great reminder! Friendships come and go, and thats ok. It's important to surround ourselves with good people and outgrowing people isn't a bad thing. :) Great read!
    Jemma | DORKFACE

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  9. Love this, sometimes you do just outgrow people and this post is awesome!

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  10. I've noticed this also as I've got older, I've really seen that its better to part ways than stay friends & have them talk rubbish behind your back or vice versa.

    I had one friend who constantly commented on me being posh (I'm not), the fact that I have big breasts & how men only look at me for one thing. I say friend... she clearly wasn't. We've since parted ways & by gosh, I'm so less stressed x

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  11. Great post! Frank and honest and something we can all relate too. Unfortunately this happens a lot especially if you are someone who moves around or takes on new challenges a lot. Sad but true x

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  12. This is a great post. As i got older I have grown out of people. It just a natural thing and keep the people who make you happy. xx

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  14. I really enjoyed reading your post. It's so true I have outgrown quite a few sets of friends and no longer feel bad about it at all k :)

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  15. I am totally onboard with what you're saying!! I was always the girl that had lots of 'friends' but never a 'friend'. As I've got older, I've understood the importance having people around me that I trust and I feel value me for who I am, not just those that have me around to gain something!

    Sarah \ http://fromexquisiteperspectives.com/

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  16. This is an amazing post. I have definitely outgrown many people.

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  17. Surround yourself with people who get you. - Had a scroll before reading it and came across that quote. I instantly new I was gonna love this post and I did, so well written and true! xx

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    1. Ah thanks so much Shelley, I'm so glad it's been so well received and it's definitely inspired me to write more posts in this style! xx

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  18. This is such an honest and truthful post! I was best friends with someone for about 20 years, but we outgrew each other, and haven't spoken in years now.

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  19. I love this post, it's so honest. I've grown apart from many friend.

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